The Bruecker Family
Our Journey with Infertility
We got married in our late twenties, and like most newlyweds, spent time dreaming of what our picture-perfect family would be and strategically planned out the timing of when it would unfold. We were still naïve enough to believe we had any say in the matter, and it wasn’t until a few painful years later that we were woken up to the truth that God alone is the giver of life. Sadly, the journey to expand our family began with heartbreak when we miscarried our first baby early on in the pregnancy. The weight of that grief and the fear that followed shook us to the core and left us feeling vulnerable and confused. Fast forward another 6 months with no more pregnancies and we found ourselves embarking on a path of infertility testing. According to the specialists, we had “unexplained” infertility which only caused us more discouragement. If only we knew what was wrong so we could fix it and move on with our lives! We proceeded to spend the next few years trying various methods and treatments, to no avail. There aren’t many words to express how hard that time was for us. Month after month, year after year, we were stuck in an all-consuming grief cycle that seemed endless. The cry of our hearts repeated over and over, “God, do you even care? Where are you?”
About 3 years into this journey, Jeff had just graduated from seminary and we felt led to take a sabbatical (aka an extended break). It was during this time that we connected with an Endometriosis specialist in Portland, OR to determine if this was something I had and if it was causing infertility. Exactly 12 hours before my scheduled laparoscopy, due to a required blood test, I got a call from the doctor who exclaimed, “Your surgery is actually canceled because you are pregnant!” It was like something out of a dream, or a movie.
“For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him.” 1 Samuel 1:27
We welcomed our daughter Hannah into the world on October 15th. It was one of the best days of our lives. Two and a half years later, after another (albeit shorter) season of waiting, we welcomed Abigail to the Bruecker fam. We felt rich.
As simple as it seems now (hindsight 20/20), we had to grievously come to grips with accepting the story God had written for us, one that was ultimately for our good and His glory. It was a moment-by-moment surrendering to His plan for us and fighting the lie that we knew better. “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” Proverbs 19:21. Our Heavenly Father was asking us to trust His plan and timing.
For a long time, we let infertility define our story and our marriage. It defined us individually. At times it hardened our hearts and we had to fight to keep the faith. But by the grace of God alone, we can finally look back and see that infertility was only a part of the journey we are on to experience more of God’s perfect provision, love and faithfulness. Even in the midst of our pain and doubt, God was using it all and still uses it in our lives today. He never wastes our suffering and never leaves us to walk through it alone. Because of infertility, we can now say without a doubt that His faithfulness is not dependent on ours! His provision is always right on time and is given graciously and freely, without us having to earn it first.
Because of grace,
Jen and Jeff
Note: We want to thank you for taking the time to read about our infertility journey. Every family that goes through infertility has an experience that is unique to them. Our chapter happened to end with two little blond headed gifts but we still carry the pain of walking through those years. We also believe that “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). If you are struggling in this area you are not alone. Please reach out if you if you need anything; resources, bible studies, a listening ear or shoulder to cry on. jen.bruecker@yahoo.com or Jeff@trinitysd.org
